Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Knitted Gnomes

The Rebel Shang has unleashed her inner grandmother of late and has taken up knitting, particularly knitting gnomes with little detachable hats. She set one of them at the top of her desk to allow them to see the world pass by, and I so happened to be the world passing by that day. I couldn't help but to flick the little thing off the table. He made a fine missile. Excellent projection. Made a beautiful arc across the room and dramatically lost his hat along the way. The Rebel Shang was less than pleased (can't think why) and knelt to pick up the fallen comrade, and shortly thereafter, I received the following email from my Lord and Master. 

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Gabriel,

It has recently come to my attention that your daughter Sanna has a propensity for bullying. She does not bully everyone, but seems to target those much smaller than herself, who have nothing to defend themselves with other than their tiny cuteness and a pointy hat. Recently it was reported that Sanna deliberately flicked one of these smaller ones, sending it flying across the office and slamming into the cabinet, all the while she was proclaiming, “I am a bully!”

While I understand that some of smaller stature may be a nuisance to some people, they are a vital part of the ICS office community. If this behavior continues, I may be forced to turn Sanna over to the authorities for Gnomicide in the first degree. Please encourage Sanna to treat even our smallest, knitted friends with kindness and respect.


Katie den Hartog
Middle School Assistant Principal

This was the reply:

Dear Ms. Den Hartog,        

     Sanna has a long standing history of violence, and we are well aware of her anti-social tendencies. She deliberately takes great pleasure in flicking knitted gnomes across rooms, particularly in front of their makers to inflict the maximum amount of damage and humiliation. She suffers from rage blackouts and severe narcissistic tendencies, and therefore feels little compassion towards the smaller, yarn-fashioned members of our society.

We would like to say that she is seeing a therapist who is helping her to work through her issues, but she has resisted all forms of rehabilitation. It has been concluded that the bullying has nothing to do with gnomes in general, but rather stems from a deep-rooted obsession with power. We have recently found a psychiatrist who specializes in supremacy obsessions and hope that this latest one just might do the trick.

Thank you for your concern and please keep up apprised of any further troubling developments.


Mr. and Mrs. Gabriel

It's just a thought, but we may perhaps be abusing our school's internal emailing system. 


Auntie sezzzzzz... said...

I came across your blog, when looking for art by Elsa Beskow.

I was captivated by your Header picture! This has to be about the most unique Header Pic I have seen in Pretty Blog Land!!! -chuckle- Hooray for you!


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